i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
