Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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