I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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