I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
