Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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