it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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