Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize