I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
