she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
