If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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