does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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