I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
