please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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