walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
