I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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