I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize