I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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