I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
