I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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