Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a hot homeless man
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
