I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
