Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
