this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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