I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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