All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
