At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
