That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
