he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
