he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
