so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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