Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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