Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
