So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
