If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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