i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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