her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
