it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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