dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
