so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he puts the penis in happiness.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
