He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
