I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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