even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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