You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
