this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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