I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my liver is dry heaving
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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