chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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