I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
