there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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