Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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