How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
