Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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