I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
