I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
