What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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