just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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