apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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