he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize