Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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