Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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