it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
