i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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