I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
