last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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