Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
