How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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