Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
