I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
