you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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