Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
