tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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