i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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