i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
