Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
