This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
