I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
