He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
