I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
