cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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