How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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