I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
