i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
