the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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