We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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