allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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