they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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