If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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