If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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