This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
