508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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