I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
