Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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