I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
