i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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