Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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