12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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