I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
