don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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