Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
