Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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