Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
