is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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