I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
