dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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